When the purpose of something is not clearly defined, it becomes vulnerable to misuse and abuse.
Therefore, to live by the true meaning of marriage, it is essential to understand its purpose, characteristics, and obligations. With this knowledge, we can identify when we are straying away from the divine blueprint of marriage and implement the necessary solutions to get back on track.
Marriage, as demonstrated through the story of Adam and Eve, involves a mature male and female coming together to establish a home.
PURPOSES FOR MARRIAGE.
God designed marriage for three primary purposes: companionship, procreation, and redemption. These purposes are still relevant today and are essential for a healthy society.
Marriage is intended to provide companionship as its foremost purpose. In Genesis 2:18, the Lord declared that it was not good for man to be alone, and thus designed marriage as a way for man and woman to form a close relationship. This relationship is rooted in love, trust, and communication, and serves as a reflection of our relationship with God. Through marriage, a husband and wife can share their lives and experiences. So, God intends that marriages should be a haven from the outside world, where couples can find solace and support.
The second purpose of marriage is procreation. God designed marriage as a way for couples to have children and raise them in loving homes. Children are precious gifts from God and should be raised in an environment where they can learn about His love. Furthermore, children need the guidance and love of both parents. A family that is grounded in God’s principles is more likely to succeed than one that lacks this foundation.
The third purpose of marriage is redemption. God designed marriage so that man and woman could come together and be saved from their sins. When husband and wife come together in holy matrimony, they commit to God’s plan for their lives. This plan includes raising children in a God-fearing home and helping each other stay on the path to salvation.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND CHARACTERISTICS OF COLDNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Coldness in a relationship arises when one or both partners feel hurt, angry, or scared and have not found a healthy way to express their feelings to each other.
As a result, a partner may become emotionally distant, unavailable, unresponsive, indifferent, and uninvested in the relationship. They may appear unfeeling, lack empathy and compassion, and stop paying attention to the needs of their partner.
These are just a few of the signs of coldness that can manifest in a relationship
Other signs are:
⮚ You’ve stopped talking altogether.
⮚ You only talk about logistical matters and avoid deeper conversations.
⮚ You seem constantly occupied and rarely make time for each other.
⮚ You’re not initiating contact or showing interest in each other’s life.
⮚ You’re investing more time and effort into other relationships.
⮚ Your love and affection towards each other seem to be diminishing.
⮚ You’re not having fun or enjoying each other’s company as much as you used to.
⮚ You avoid each other’s video calls and all attempts to spend time together.
⮚ Your spouse is keeping you at arm’s length.
⮚ Your spouse is not interested in meeting your family and friends.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE CHALLENGES OF A COLD MARRIAGE.
- Change of mindsets and expectations.
Many individuals enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. They may believe that getting married will automatically bring them completeness, happiness, emotional healing, sexual satisfaction, and freedom from the temptation of lusting after others. Unfortunately, such beliefs are often proven to be false, which can leave them disenchanted.
In reality, no human being can single-handedly bring anyone happiness or wholeness. For instance, if someone has experienced emotional abuse, healing will require professional counselling and therapy. Marriage will not magically make the hurt disappear. Similarly, if someone struggles with lust, committing to living a godly life, and being accountable to God and others can help overcome such a temptation, instead of simply getting married.
- Embrace the love of God.
The expression of genuine love is impossible without God. The more you come to know God, the more you will experience and exhibit love. Therefore, it is essential to focus on developing a relationship with God first, and everything else will fall into place.
- Self-love and self-discovery.
Remember that your partner is only human, and your life should not revolve solely around them. Loving yourself first is essential, as it sets the foundation for any healthy relationship. Without self-love, it can be difficult for others to love and appreciate you for who you truly are. So, take the time to discover yourself, your passions, and your purpose in life, and let your partner complement, rather than define your journey.
- Learn to communicate healthily.
Find healthy ways to express your concerns and hurts without resorting to blame, victimization, aspersions, or buck-passing. Instead, focus on how you feel and use “I” statements to express yourself. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try saying “I feel unheard and dismissed when I talk to you.”
This approach allows you to take responsibility for your feelings and encourages your partner to listen and understand your perspective. Remember that healthy communication requires active listening, empathy, and a willingness to compromise and find solutions together.
- Seek professional help.
When communication and attempts at resolving issues fail in a relationship, seeking professional help can be a beneficial option. Depending on the severity of the situation, a professional marriage counsellor or therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you and your partner work through any challenges you may be facing.
If your partner is unwilling to tag along, consider going alone to seek support and guidance for yourself. It will also help you unburden and remain emotionally stable.
- Discover and pursue your purpose.
Don’t neglect your personal growth and development when in a struggling relationship. While being in this kind of relationship can be difficult, it’s not the end of the world. Instead of dwelling in self-pity, focus on finding a passion that brings you joy and fulfillment, and pursue it.
Whether it’s a new hobby, a career path, or further education, investing in yourself and your growth can help you feel more empowered and confident, regardless of the state of your marriage relationship.
Personal development is a lifelong journey, and taking steps to better yourself can positively impact all areas of your life, including your relationships.
- Imbibe godly values in your marriage.
Building your marriage on godly values is essential for a healthy and thriving relationship. Jesus Christ’s teachings on love, forgiveness, and selflessness should be the foundation of your marriage. Without a connection to God, your relationship can run dry, just like a phone without a power source.
Whenever issues arise and love seems to be failing in your relationship, seek guidance from the author of marriage and allow His principles to guide your actions and decisions.
It is important to remember that marriage is a journey, and like any journey, ups and downs are inevitable. Nonetheless, your posture in the face of adversity is a huge determining factor of victory or otherwise. By focusing on self-love and self-development, seeking professional help when needed, and building the relationship on godly values and other tips provided, your marriage stands a good chance of becoming a healthy and happy one.